Monday, February 8, 2010

Day Six: Hope

The Invitation: Read the story of the blind man found in John 9:1-38.

The Journey: Attempt to analyze through different eyes a situation that has been troubling you. Pray that the Savior withh touch your eyes so that you will see what you need to do differently. Now take time to write it down.

This was a tough one and my blog tonight is a little more disorganized - but I still hope its good one...

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one, but there are times in my life where I have some bad days. I don't mean like late to work, stubbed my toe, forgot my cell phone, ran out of gas and had no wallet days. Those are yucky, but I'm talking about the days where you just feel lost. Where your heart is filled with sorrow and you don't really understand why. You find yourself upset and maybe a little bit angry...and again, you just don't know why. Soon enough your sobbing in your room by yourself, begging Heavenly Father to make it go away. But when you beg, you aren't being genuine because in reality, you just want to cry and want to feel sorry for yourself. But you'd never admit it to yourself in the moment. (Yes, this was my day on Saturday...and part of Sunday too.)

So, here I am Saturday night: filled with heartache, pain, resentment and tears falling all over. I'm begging for it to go away, but its not going to. Why not? Because I'm not praying the way I should be. My heart is contentious and in reality I am being a huge brat. (These realizations didn't come until later though...oops).

Saturday was my day to take this journey - to let the Savior touch my eyes so I could see something in a new light. But I didn't let Him. And you know what, I don't think I let Him do it Sunday either.

However, on Sunday God spoke to me. He spoke through several of His children. He sent messages to me and He pretty much put me in my place. Unfortunately, I still wasn't ready to hear it and by the way I feel right now, I'm not sure I'm ready tonight either. But you know what, before I fall asleep I will be ready. I will be truly humbled and I will not stop praying until my heart changes. I cannot go another day letting my contentious heart prevent me from the Spirit.

The worst part is, I recognize Satan is doing this to me. I know this because Friday night, I vocally bore testimony of the power of prayer: that God hears them, and He answers them. How funny that by Saturday night Satan has already attempted to strip me of my testimony. And how funny that the next morning I would wake up, puffy faced with stinging eyes, to see my dad wake up at 8 am and attend the 9:00 sacrament meeting all by himself. And how interesting that my dad would come home and ask me, "juuuuust curious...this is just a hypothetical question...but what would I have to do to get baptized?" (Yes, that really happened.)

I share that experience because it proves Satan is real. But it also proves that God is real and He is sooooo more powerful. I said this in my last blog, but it is so true. Satan will work hard to prevent you from something good; from something great. It is when we are on the right path that he must make the effort. So do not get discouraged when he works to bring you down - remember that you serve God. You are HIS child and it is HE that loves you.

...I think by the time I have finished this post, I might have even had my eyes opened just a tiny bit. Im grateful for that. :)

1 comment:

  1. wow.... what a powerful testimony that was to me. thank you sara. i'm SO happy for your dad's question. i'm so happy that he asked you, and that you are able to answer him with love, with information, with a strong testimony. thank you for helping me realize what i need to do to lose those feelings of contention in my own heart. it is so important that we first realize it is satan stirring the pot of doubt... we know better. we know how to get out of his grasp... it's just so hard. thank you for showing me how! you're incredible! love you!